Periculum A Remus x Sirius story
by ShuuHigurashi
Summary: On the night of Lily and James' death, the aniversery that is, Sirius and Remus have a talk that could change their friendship forever. How will this affect Harry? I suck at summarys okay.
1. Chapter 1 Making Eyecontact

Periculum:

**Periculum:**

A young, scraggly haired, escaped convict's onyx eyes were deep in thought and escaping through the window with rain droplets that seemed attracted to the magnetic-like cohesive glass. His chin rest in his hand and his elbow lie on the dusty window sill in the alcove of that library. He seemed not to be as lost in these thoughts as he was trapped in them. Black's very thoughts were focused on the only existing 'family' he had, Harry Potter. He was living his life cooped back up in the house he spent years yearning to escape from, because he wanted to assure the safety of the boy. And even now his labors seemed fruitless, because he could not be in sight of the boy on these spring days. This was because Harry Potter was spending his fourth year, competing in the triwizard tournament at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. This gave Black all the more reason to worry. He came to believe that if he hadn't escaped Azkaban that Harry would've followed suit to all Potters, and died at Voldemort's want.

"Deep in thought Sirius?" asked a familiar voice. "Yes." Answered Black not even glancing back at the doorway, where he knew a young dirty blond man in scraggly robes was standing, most likely with a book in his hand. Remus waked into the room his torn robes drifting in after him. Remus sat next to Black in the other armchair that sat in the alcove. "I bet he misses you." Remus mentioned consolably. "Misses you more I presume?" Black responded. "Now that's not true, you're actually related to the boy." Remus said, somehow this seemed to become a battle. "Yeah but not by blood. I'm just the boy's Godfather. And you, you had more time to talk to him, I barley got to know him. To him I could still be this freak from Azkaban…" Black began. "Not true. Not true." Remus corrected throwing five envelopes onto the small table that sat between the two armchairs, already piled with multiple papers. "He's been sending all of these to you. He depends on you a lot. I'm…I'm rather jealous." Remus confessed.

Black glanced at all the envelopes on the table. "All these from the post?" Black asked. "You worry about him don't you?" Remus asked pointing over to the letters suggesting that Black should read them. "Yeah, like I really am related to him." Sirius moped. "Like no one else in this house wishes they were related to the boy?" sarcastically remarked Remus. "And I too, you should feel disgustingly conformist Sirius. I do." He continued. Black stared back at the window trying to ignore this comment.

"Where is this chat coming from Remus?" asked Black watching a specific raindrop fall to the window sill. Remus stared at the eyes of a trapped dog and sighed. "I don't know Sirius. Do you know what day it is?" Remus asked him. "I would prefer to think of it as a spring day. We lost the calendar didn't we?" asked Black. Remus and Black however knew very well what day it was. The anniversary of James and Lily's death. It was a sorrowful day that none of the two could forget if they tried. "Right." Remus sighed as he rose to his feet to leave the room. As he walked out the door a few seconds felt like an hour. He drifted into the kitchen where Molly was desperately attempting to clean dust that refused to leave. She jumped as she felt his presence enter the room. "Oh Remus dear good evening." She said turning to him. She examined his eyes, "What's wrong?" she asked sensing sadness. "Molly, do you remember what day it is?" he asked. Molly Weasley dropped the sponge in her hand.

"We lost the blooming calendar but I will never forget this day." She confessed putting her hands on her heart. "Yes thank you then." Remus said turning to go upstairs to the room he shared with Sirius. Molly wanted to stop him and continue the conversation but all she could do was watch him trudge silently up the stairs. Remus reached the door and opened it letting it swing carelessly and close behind him. He sat on the bed farthest from the door and buried his face in his hands. The room had no windows so he could not see the same orange hazy sunset that Black must've been seeing then. He let out a small sob and tears trickled from his eyes down his wrists.

The door suddenly opened and Black stepped from the light of the hall, into the dim candlelit bedroom. "Hey Remus." Black said sitting on the bed beside Remus'. "Sirius, why don't you want to remember?" asked Remus wiping a tear from his eyes. "What are you talking about?" asked Black. "Ever since you escaped, found Harry it's like James never died! And now I feel like you and Harry are fighting against me. I'm on your side you know! It's like…you don't need anyone but Harry now." Remus confessed all at once. "I'm saying all the wrong things." Remus said. "No. I understand everything you're saying. It's not that I'm trying to replace James with the boy; it's just that he's all I have left of the Potter's. You have got…got to be…the most important though." Black began to let tears fall as he remembered. "If they had never died…we probably would've never spoken again." Sirius said "Not true." Remus corrected. "If they were alive you wouldn't have been taken to Azkaban." Remus said brushing hair out of his face. "You're not a Potter, and I like it that way. The boy is all I have left of the Potter's. Let yourself be all I have left of my years _before_ my life was nearly sucked out of me in that miserable institution." Black comforted Remus picking up his chin in his palm and pulling his head close to his.

"You are all I have left of life before that. You have got to be the most important reminder." He continued. "I'm saying all the wrong things." He sighed letting go of Remus' chin and looking down. Remus looked up into the trapped dog's eyes. "Talking to you is like going outside. A couple of letters aren't going to ever be like that. So stop thinking the boy and I are trying to fight against you Remus." Sirius confessed. He too looked into the werewolf's eyes. "Now stop crying like a bird…" he trailed off as their faces seemed to draw even closer, up until their lips were two or so centimeters apart. "Si…Si…Sirius." Remus stuttered as their top lips collided softly. His eyes closed in this 'kiss' and their lips parted. His head fell into Black's lap and he let out a large sob. Tears dripped from his light blue eyes onto Black's lap.

"Bloody bird like little werewolf Remus." Black muttered in his sleep. His eyes peeled open it was morning. The two of them were sleeping on the floor. Black's arm was around Remus' waist the other free hand's fingers laced in his. A smile came across his lips as he looked to the poor sap sleeping in his arms. "Mate wake up." He shook Remus gently awake. "Morning Sirius." Remus said opening his eyes not yet realizing the position they were in. "Morning mate." Black answered. Remus sat up next to him.

"Hey bird breath." Black began. "Yeah?" asked Remus. Black's lips touched much more passionately and fully connected to Remus' lips. The feeling was sweet and the world began spinning. Just waking up and his head was already spinning. As Black pulled away Remus began stuttering. "Wha…what?" he began. "Third challenge is coming really soon you know?" Black asked. He stood up and began walking for the kitchen. "Wait!" Remus called after Sirius as he began walking with him. "Hey Remus look mate. I know it seems weird but..." Black stopped dead in his tracks as he felt a long and warm embrace from Remus. "Thank you." Remus said with a grin forming across his pale face.

"I couldn't ask for more..." Thought the two as they went down to breakfast. "Oh good morning loves!" Molly called to them as she laid large plates of bacon, eggs, ceareal, waffles, pancakes, orange juice, and milk onto the the table in the dining room next to the kitchen in the Black household. "Morning Molly." they both said at the same time. They walked to the dining room to get two good seats next to eachother at the table that held the Order Of the Phoenix. They sat together at the wooden table lacing their fingers together under the table. Black looked to Remus and Remus looked to Sirius and the two's eyes seemed to be very much enjoying the touch but they felt odd about this.

Black's thumb traveled up and down Remus' wrist as he full handedly gripped his. "Feeling better today mate?" Black asked with a warm smile. Despite feeling Black's hand in his, Remus still felt that Sirius did not have romantic feelings for him. Somehow this all felt like friendly comforting. "Yeah." he answered Black as he scooped some scrambled eggs into his mouth with a spoon. "Really? Is that why you're eating with the wrong utensil?" Sirius asked. Black smiled slyly knowing that he had won.

Black himself did not understand this feeling at all. All of a sudden Remus was this weak, fragile, needy bird and he was so happy to oblige with open hands. Remus blushed deeply looking down at the silver spoon in his hand. He thought of the feeling of Black's course hand in his and then back to the spoon. Oh how he wanted to focus on the spoon, but Black's hand...was so...distracting. "Right." he managed to say between all the suffering going on inside his closed mouth. He felt it dripping with saliva. He couldn't seem to stop drooling inside. His salivary gland seemed to be on over drive not to mention the choking feeling that this new attention from Sirius was giving him.

...About Ten Minutes Later...

"Remus?" Sirius asked looking to Remus' empty plate and then back to Remus. He let go of his hand under the table to save the embarassment between the two for when they would stand. "Take me for a walk would you?" he asked. "Uhh...sure." Remus agreed standing up ready to leave his clean plate behind. Sirius stood up happy to see that soon he could have Remus to himself again. Somehow he was enjoying Remus' company more than anyone in this house. After last night, that moment he didn't consider a kiss was seeming almost like a goal. Some connection that he wish could happen again because he knew it only happened when they were alone. Because they were becoming best friends...right? That's normal right?

The two of them walked out of the room and then outside. Of course it wasn't exactly safe for Sirius to be outside but the two of them figured that they could find a way to make it work. Sirius morphed into a dog and the two walked, Sirius leading the way to a secluded place he knew that even the Ministry of Magic wouldn't believe to think of. Awfully beautiful too. It was just a fallen tree between a canopy of willows, near the Black household and it was Sirius' favorate outdoor place. When the two of them reached the canopy they felt secure and shaded in the unsafe clear spring sunshiney daylight exposure. Sirius morphed back into a human and sat on the fallen tree. Remus followed suit to an extent.

"Didja ever know 'bout this place Remus." Black began the conversation. "No." Remus answered simply as he rest both his hands on the tree, feeling the rotting bark. Black's fingertips touched against Remus' and Remus jumped. His skin crawled and he took this oppritunity to ask Black what had gotten into him. "Sirius what is that?" he asked quite simply. "What?" Asked Sirius not exactly understanding. "That thing, where...our hands touch and..." Remus began. Oh how confused he was. "Not sure..." Sirius began blushing and looking around them into the thickness of the trees forming vast canopies. Remus looked at Black in shock. For once the confident, rude, outgoing, Sirius Black was speechless, and coy.

"Oh you're not sure eh?" Remus began not buying this. He tapped Black's fingertips with his making Black look in his direction and took advantage of it pressing his lips against Black's and quickly pulling away. "What was that?" asked Sirius blushing furiously now becoming confused. "Not sure...Are you not sure what that is? A kiss wasn't it? So shouldn't what you're doing be just as clear. You're clearly holding my hand Sirius." Remus explained. Sirius tilted his head. "Well I'm not starting anything like that Remus." he said looking away becoming redder by the second.

"What do you mean?" Remus said his voice becoming hoarser as he became more nervous about the situation. The peaceful setting was now playing to a tense and awkward moment. "Things are different since last night. What happend?...God..." Remus muttered to himself though this was loud enough for Sirius to hear.

Sirius continued looking down in thought about the same thing Remus was thinking about until he looked up suddenly seeming to understand something. "Do you see it Remus?" he asked hitting his friend softly on his shoulder with a look on his face that said 'by jove I think I've got a really stupid explanation coming!' "We'd be perfect together!" he said ending with a long breath as if this was a long winded speech. "What?" asked Remus becoming extremeley red and confused. "Yeah. Don't you see it. We can't keep our hands off eachother, we get eachother, and you kissed me with no remorse just now!" Sirius began his finger in the air as if pointing to an imaginary chart .

"Sirius what are you talking about?" Remus asked now getting frustrated. It was true. Remus had no regret over kissing Sirius Black. In fact it felt awfully good to him. "Yes of course we could miss out on the best thing that's ever happened to us! Don't you get it Remus last night what happened! I helped you! And how? I made you realize that you've always been helping me! We'll always help eachother! It's perfect." Sirius continued. This sermon seemed to be finding no end. "I need you Remus. And you need me too! Last night is proof!" Sirius said. It seemed that the conclusion was drawn and Remus found it safe enough to speak.

"Last night. It seemed like I needed you more." Remus said. Their hands connected again. Remus was starting to understand it. Everything Sirius was saying. He wasn't in particular seeking physical company or anything. Just for Remus to understand the depths of how much they honestly need to stick together right? He looked at the excited dog's eyes and the dog looked into his and almost in an instant their heads were close again. "See...weren't...we farther...earli..?" Sirius trailed off wanting to drift off into this. Remus wouldn't play though. He turned away. You're eyes are weird. He wanted to say.

Sirius put his arms around Remus' shoulders the young man looking away in confusion. "Be my best friend forever Remus?" he asked hoping that Remus hadn't grown angry with him. "Yeah." Remus replied which made Sirius grin. Remus was uncomfortable with the situation but he wanted to stay Sirius' friend. However Remus began to think about the lip lock that the two had shared just then and his eyes widened. It was enjoyable. He was caught in between staying Sirius' 'friend' and becoming Black's 'Friend with benefits'

Within the silence that seemed to last between them Remus' thoughts returned to his school days. How he used to feel about Sirius. He hated that he was a Black, a jerk, a bully. But something made him love it too. Sirius was just so...so...cool. With that Remus turned to Sirius and looked him straight into his awkwardly enchanting charcoal eyes and said "Well after all...you were my first true love." he confessed. "Ah that's the spirit Remus!" Sirius laughed after a long pause. "So how long?" he asked. "Err..." Remus began not willing to tell him.

"Come on when?!" asked Sirius becoming impaitent. "Since fifth year." Remus finally cracked. "Serious?" Sirius asked. "Very." Remus said as their heads seemed closer. He had been staring into Black's eyes too long.

will be continued right now I'm too sleepy


	2. Chapter 2

Continued from Periculum

**Periculum Chapter 2: The Difference between Avoiding and Denial**

**many months since chapter one...**

One could expect that after Remus Lupin confessed that Sirius Black was his first love since fifth year, that their relationship would be a closer one. However this was not the case the next spring morning. Sirius Black awoke in his bed and stared to Lupin's. The bed beside his was empty. It seemed that Remus had woken before him and decided to start the day without him. This gesture did not bruise Black though, he rose himself stretching his arms above his head. His mind was rested on the conversation that took place the previous day.

"The boy is dead!" Remus' voice called from the doorway. Sirius jumped at this and stared at the doorway. His eyes frozen on Remus. "What?" he asked feeling a sharp pain enter his heart. He felt stabbed. "Cedric Diggory. DIED. Dumbledore was right! He is on the move again! That's who killed Diggory!" Remus said short of breath as if he had ran their.

Relief washed over Sirius Black but at the same time sadness, to hear that one of the triwizard champions had died. Then of all, grief because it was at the hands of Voldemort. "Harry wrote to us about it? How is he?" asked Sirius. "He's devastated. Merciless! He killed him right in front of him! Killing curse! Like that! BAM!" Remus said.

"Hmm. That's awful. I can only imagine." Sirius said closing his eyes and sighing. Poor Harry. That must've been how his mother Lily felt. Her husband dead before her eyes. Alone and fighting for her and her son's lives.

"No one else is going to understand what he went through either. Being all alone there." Remus said. "That's it. He's coming here this summer!" suggested Sirius. "What?" asked Remus getting extremely confused. "Yeah! He has too! We'll be the only one's that'll get him!" Sirius said. "Why are you getting so defensive about this?" asked Remus. Sirius seemed to be getting flustered. The two of them sat on their beds and Sirius began to explain. As Sirius explained, Lupin also was brought back to the past. I shall now explain through flashback:

_Fifth year within the so called 'Marauder era'. This period in time was like the moment the Beetles broke up. Devastating to all people. Severus Snape was especially resenting of the group, and the Marauders :Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail had not been speaking with Padfoot._

_To summarize the sudden turning of the tables it was all in third year. The Marauders that is, Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail had decided to play a prank on Severus by tricking him into visiting Remus in the shrieking shack on the night that he was a werewolf. At the last minute Prongs stopped the events from occuring, and they turned on the devises of the plan since: Sirius Black._

Sirius weaved his tale and Remus longed to interupt, and tell his side. How hurt he was that Sirius had taken advantage of the fact that he was stuck with this miserable curse. He felt betrayed. Even then many years later, Remus felt anger simmering in his stomach as Sirius retold the story.

_"Moony!" Sirius called in the empty hallways. The fifteen year old scraggly haired, Black had come down the halls, grinning, happy to finally get Remus alone. Remus looked about feeling hopeless. He was all alone. Usually in times that Sirius had tried to approach him again, the other Marauders were there to tell him to just turn away. But now Remus was alone, to decide whether he wished to give Sirius the satisfaction of mingling again, or to follow suit._

_"Hey. Sirius." he answered, careful not to say Padfoot, as to symbolize acceptance. Sirius would take this. He stopped beside Remus, "How ya been?" he asked him. "Oh alright." Remus said awkwardly. It was odd. Not very often had Sirius taken an interest in Remus. "Yeah..." he said._

_Remus couldn't take it anymore. He was looking at the boy and could see, that somehow his face lacked the same clever and obnoxious spark it used to. It seemed more desperate. L- oh what was the word, started with an L...hmmm... "What's wrong Sirius." Remus finally cracked. "What?" asked Sirius. "You look upset. What's up?" he asked again needing an answer. "Well then...Nothing really." Sirius lied. _

_Sirius looked about awkwardly and then back to Remus and laughed pathetically. "You know...I hate my family, so I thought that I would never have to miss anyone here at Hogwarts..." a random confession came out of the blue. "I'm sorry that was stupid." Sirius said shaking his head. Don't lose it. Don't lose it. Sirius thought to himself, salt stinging the back of his eyes. LONELY! of course! That's what Sirius appeared to be. Lonley as hell!_

_The Hallways were becoming dark and portraits began sleeping. Curfew was ticking away. "Eh...back to the common room with me then?" Remus suggested. "Huh?" asked Sirius. "Shut up and come on Padfoot." he said. He added 'Padfoot.' as a symbol of redemption and forgiveness. Sirius accepted. From then, the Marauders were reunited._

"He'll be just like me." Sirius said as his tale came to a close. "Alone. No one will believe him. People will even become angry at him for believing that he has returned." Sirius predicted wisely.

"You know. I understand. I was lonely then too. I knew that the James felt bad for the prank, but I never actually felt...healed. I knew that from the beginning all three of you had been planning it. taking advantage of my disability." Remus said. Sirius shook and became depressed and guilty at these words. "However forgiveness is more simple than we give credit for." Remus said. "Yeah but they won't see it that way." said Sirius making this about Harry again.

"You're right. I think he should come here then." Remus said after a pause that filled the room with sudden dust mites in the beams of light in the room. How awkward this was because indeed, Sirius and Remus had avoided this conversation for years since it's consent! Even the night of Sirius' earning of redemption, they had not spoken about it. The Unspoken Truce. It was sacred and to never ever be spoken of, no matter the absolute necessary circumstance.

The two men stared at eachother, Sirius and he felt a chat coming on. It was obvious that using the past as an example was not a good idea. "I trusted you since the consent of our friendship..." Remus began. "And I begged your forgivness!" said Sirius. "Not exactly." Remus corrected. How quickly a fued can bubble over the years! "Not aloud but you saw the point! I was lonely! Is that not something you can process? Always being surrounded by people!" Sirius argued getting frustrated with how Remus was suddenly pinning accusations on him.

"Yeah. I understand it perfectly! Until late in the years I was all alone in that shack! And not to mention after Lily and James' death! I was always alone! You went to jail! Even when the Marauders existed I was always the odd one out! Because I wasn't as outspeaking as you!" oh how Remus had quickly turned this into an argument of envy. However, with this statement, he was winning.

"Really now..." Sirius' voice had softend. "I was the only slytherin in the marauders, and you were the odd one out. It's true." he said. "You were shy then...and outspeaking after the deaath of your friends would be difficult." Sirius confessing his defeat.

"There you go...I really don't like to talk about it." Remus said oh wishing he could leave but knew well that now, Sirius would not allow that. "Well how the tables have turned Remus. How only a few months ago, you asked me why I didn't want to remember the death of James and Lilly Potter." Sirius said. "And now...you! You of all people, are confessing your denial? Always been such a gentleman have we?" asked he raising an eyebrow.

"You know...It isn't easy to talk about, without getting sad. I...I don't want to walk around a house of friends feeling useless and distraught so yeah, YEAH I choose not to talk about it! I don't like to think about it. It just ruins everything! It ruins all I've worked on to be the way I am now! I don't want to have to rebuild it all!" Remus said a face full of fluster.

As Remus panted, past his long winded speech, repetitive with words like ruin, sad, useless, and dont, want, to, talk, about, it...Sirius was gaining only satisfaction. "Well then mate. Confessing it is the first step, now let's focuss on getting Harry through the same." he said rising to leave the room. Remus sat staring at the floorboards sadness stinging his corneas and the walls of denial breaking, breaking him, depressing him deeply.

Lord what fools these wizards be.


End file.
